A Triple Dose of Taco Bell Stories

Hi, welcome to the Taco Bell Mountain Range!

A customer comes through the drive-thru, and orders:

• Bean Burrito, no sauce, w/ sour cream
• Nachos Bellgrande
• Soft Taco Supreme
• And a Medium Sierra Nevada

Now you too can experience the beautiful scenery and wildlife of the Sierra Nevadas in its new and more convenient liquid form. Mmmmm! I can really taste the Rattlesnake!

For Here or To Go?

Two days ago, at about 11:20 AM, a man came in and placed an order at the walk-up register. He was a little plump around the waist area, and if I were to be so bold as to take a guess, I would wager that this wasn't his first stop into a Taco Bell. He seemed to be a manual laborer (In other words, one step above monkeys on the proverbial evolutionary chain) by the looks of his hands and the condition of his clothes.

I was taking a few drive-thru orders when he was giving his order at walk-up, and when I walked over to where the food was being made to help out, I took a glance at the screen that displays all of the current orders yet to be made. This was his order:

• 14 Combination Burritos
• 14 Spicy Chicken Soft Tacos
• 14 Hard Tacos
• 14 Steak Soft Tacos
• 2 Bean Burrito Especiales, no onions, no red sauce, no jalapeño sauce, no cheese, with sour cream. So in other words, a burrito with beans and sour cream. Doesn't that sound good?

Subtotal: $66.81
Tax: $5.18
Total: $71.99

This order took about 12 minutes to make. While it was being made, the man got a plastic bag, went over to where the hot sauces are kept, and began stuffing the bag full of hot and fire sauce. When he finished, he must have had over 100 packages of sauce in there.

When the order was ready, it filled several bags, so I went back and got a couple of boxes to put it all in so it would be easier for him to carry. He then proceeded to throw the bags of food into the boxes without taking into consideration the ever-important Squish Factor. When he finished, he had one small bag remaining in his hands, containing the two burritos of nausea. He casually mentioned that the food in that bag was for his boss, and that he didn't care about the rest of the food's well-being. What a nice co-worker!

Shut the BEEP up!

At the second window, there is a timer on the wall that tells how long a car has been at the window. Thanks to Claudia, our regional manager, she recently had someone program it so whenever a car has been at the window for more than a minute, a loud, ear-piercing BEEP resonates throughout the store every four seconds. It can literally be heard from anywhere in the store, and if you are right next to it taking orders or collecting money, it is extremely loud and annoying and is probably causing me long term hearing damage and I wouldn't be surprised if it was slowly but surely disrupting my brain waves and causing me to slip into a state of dementia. Plus, it's really hard to take orders when this stupid thing is beeping every four seconds.

Customer: Hi, I'd like a bean burrito with BEEEEEEEEP ...decker taco with extra cheese, BEEEEEEEP ...onions, lettuce, and tomatoes, two soft BEEEEEEEEP ...esadilla, no sauce, and a medium BEEEEEEEEEP.

Me: Anything else?

Customer: BEEEEEEEEEEP.

And believe me, I've tried everything I can to stop the incessant beeping. I've tried hitting it, and I've even tried hitting it harder, but nothing seemed to work.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go buy a can of Sierra Nevada. Or maybe a bottle of Mountain Lion Droppings Dew.