Beestraught

I posted this on Facebook, figuring more people would read it there than here, but for those of you who haven't been sucked into the social hurricane, here's a little blurb I wrote after an experience I had a week ago...


On my lunch today I went out to my car, opened the door, tossed my keys and wallet and jacket inside, and was about to go in and sit down to read when a bee casually flies in the open door and lands on the back of my car seat.

It was actually kind of hilarious how it happened – I was taking my sweet time getting in the car, and the bee just makes a beeline (excuse the pun) past me and into the car…as if it had a right to be there.

“Excuse me, pardon me, seat inspector here. Hmm, this seat seems nice, I’ll take it.”

And as it flies in (bees in?), I’m just watching it, thinking “did that bee really just fly into my car?” followed by “Oh great, now what? Give the bee a harsh warning, and then count to three?” followed by “I should have done something instead of standing idly by…like hit it…no, like swat at it…no, like stand like an idiot and watch it manhandle (beehandle?) its way into my car while I stand back in a manly and unstung fashion, which could loosely be described as hopping up and down from foot to foot and yelling “ooooh! OOOH!! THERE’S A BEEEEE IN MY CARRR! A bee a bee a bee a bee bee bee bee bee”

Meanwhile the seat inspector starts to crawl around to the back of the seat…and in my normal coherently brave thinking, I think “Should I hit it? Hmm, but then it might get pissed and sting me. Better give it what it wants.”

And so it proceeds around the back of the seat, and disappears. So I do what any man in this situation would do – cautiously stick my head inside to see if the passenger door handle is covered in bees, unlock it, open it, and run away screaming like a little girl.

I’m not sure if the bee is still in my car or if it flew out of its own accord (if the dang bee has a car already, why is it bothering me?). It’s supposed to rain tonight, so I think I might take the chance and drive home with all my windows rolled down just in case it's still in there. Better soaked than trapped in a bee-infested car I always say.