Friday, June 16, 2006

How To Answer A Phone

I enjoy doing this at work when someone calls my phone. I work at Home Depot as a cashier, and each cashier station has its own phone. So I entertain myself by answering the phone with strange greetings intended to throw the person who is calling me off, such as "Ahoy ahoy", "Hi, may I take your order?", and so on.

Another such greeting I have been known to do in the past is to answer the phone and pretend to be answering the phone for another place of business. I have grown fond of one of these types of greetings after a while. This leads me to the original point of my post.

I have thought of a great name and slogan for a restaurant. Ideally, it would be a small diner situated next to a thriving truckstop where all the road warriors go to stop and peel the squirrels off their tires from their long trip.

When you enter the establishment, you would hear this friendly slogan of greeting, issued by one of the employees, preferably delivered in a thick southern drawl.


"Larry's Roadside Diner: You kill 'em, we grill 'em! How can I be of service?"

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

No Title.

A few weeks ago, Erica and I were driving somewhere in Tustin. Being the constant observer that I am - meaning that I look at everything that interests me, and if I have time, I'll keep an eye on the road too - I saw an interesting sign.

It was one of those large electronic black signs (see picture below) that sits on the center divider or on the side of the road, and notifies drivers of different alerts, such as "Caution, Reduced Speed Ahead", "Construction: Expect Delays from 5/1/2006 until 1/18/2009", "Open Sewer Lids Ahead. Good luck", and "Danger: You Are Now Entering Little Saigon. Anyone Traveling Over 2 MPH Will Be Fined for Speeding".



The function of these signs is to display important information essential for drivers to know as they progress down the streets which these signs occupy. And usually, when there are no alerts, the signs are turned off and left blank.

This particular sign, however, as I passed it, was on. It had two words which were lit up in the middle of the sign, alerting drivers like myself to pay close attention to it.

Expecting an important announcement, I read the sign. It said, "No Data."

I proceeded to go on a loud ranting diatribe to Erica, who was in the seat next to me, about how preposterous this situation was. This happened about a month ago, and I never got around to blogging it until now, so I don't remember it all, but it was something like this...

-Thank you for wasting electricity to bring us this highly important message. We would be at a severe disadvantage if this convenience was not bestowed upon us. We appreciate you taking the time and energy to let us know that you have NOTHING IMPORTANT TO TELL US, when you could have just turned the darn thing off!

I guess the fact that they actually left the screen on without any information and that they were blatantly wasting electricity for no reason whatsoever struck me as bait for ridicule. Either that, or Erica was laughing so hard during my diatribe that I just kept going and her laughter made the entire situation more memorable and humorous. Take your pick.