For Christmas, one of the presents I received from my parents was an iPod Mini. For those of you who don't know, an iPod is a fancy MP3 player (If you don't know what that is, you're probably Amish, so what are you doing using a computer to read this blog in the first place?) that is made by Apple Computer. Yes, I know what you're thinking, and no, amazingly, it doesn't suck. It can hold up to 4 GB of music, or in layman's terms, more music than any normal person could ever want to listen to. And that's just the mini version. The regular iPod holds as much as 40 GB of music, or in layman's terms, you'll go deaf before you listen to all the music you can put on it.
So the iPod is revolutionary in the sense that it can hold so many songs, is relatively hassle-free, and costs about a hundred dollars more than it's worth. Plus, you can buy some really laughable accessories for it, like an iPod holder for your car cupholder. Now all of your troubles are over! Instead of just harmlessly putting your iPod in the cupholder itself, you can spend $39.95 and place this device in your car cupholder, set your iPod on it, and spend the rest of your time staring at the stupidest purchase you've ever made.
I have around 400 songs on my iPod Mini right now, and it's only half full. And I have to say I'm very pleased with it so far. Though honestly, I was a little wary of it when I first installed the iPod software on my computer and read the disclaimer:
"THE APPLE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE APPLE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE."
Wait. So what they're saying is this thing costs $250, and you can't even use it to operate a nuclear facility?!? Great, just great. And what good is an MP3 player if you can't use it to power a life support system? Oh well, money buys less and less nowadays it seems.
But seriously, how litigious are we if a company has to write something like that on a disclaimer for a device that solely plays music? What idiot would use an MP3 player to operate air traffic control? I suppose I could see them being used as a last resort by air traffic controllers instead of those little flags since the iPod Mini comes in lots of different colors, like blue, green, pink, orange, strawberry, chocolate, vanilla, tutti-frutti, oh-rutti, a wop bop a loo bop a lop bam bam. But besides that, I see no reason to write such an insane and irrational disclaimer. Just say, "If you use this device for anything other than playing music, and something goes wrong, we are not responsible for your ignorance, stupid."
And this isn't just specific to Apple Computers either. Not even close. My mom bought one of those incredibly soft and comfortable pillows with the miniature beads inside of them, and it had a tag on it. On the tag, the very first line read:
Warning: Do not use for sleeping.
And then, a few lines down, it said:
- For decorative purposes only.
Again, maybe I just don't understand the retarded mentality behind this, but it seems to me if you buy an incredibly cozy pillow for $10, you aren't just buying it for its looks. Most people don't buy pillows just to set them aside and stare lovingly at them, wondering what it must feel like to rest their head on it. You buy a pillow to sleep on it for goodness sake. What happens when you're really tired, and the only pillow nearby is the pillow of forbidden sleep? Will you be brave enough to defy the almighty tag and willingly refuse to heed its dire warnings? Or will the suspense be so great that you must succumb to its will and put off slumber until you can find a non-decorative pillow that is actually designed for sleeping?
Who cares? I'm going to sleep.